Jaya Spirit Yoga: The Heart of an Endo & PMDD Warrior
“I have been her kind.”
Anne Sexton
Hey There, Dear Warrior Sister,
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Annie Cumberland, facilitator and creator of Jaya Spirit Yoga. So glad you are here!
Jaya Spirit Yoga was started with endometriosis and PMDD warriors at the heart of the mission. Our purpose: to create a healing space for warriors to gather by practicing gentle yoga and meditation in a way that is tailored to our unique needs bringing peace to our souls and rest to our worn out bodies.
I am healing from over a decade of life with endometriosis and PMDD. I have a story that probably parallels yours in some way. Can you relate to any of the following thoughts, beliefs and experiences?
Thinking pain was normal. (It’s not.)
Everyone has bad periods. (They don’t.)
It’s genetics & depression is hereditary, so, that’s who you are.
Monster headaches 10 days a month - sure.
Visiting all the wrong doctors - MRI for headaches, years at the GI for stomach pain, never any questions from my GYN.
Vacations and activities all tainted with the memory of pain or a flare and having no words to describe it - for years.
Falling and doubling over in pain at weird times.
Worrying that people will think I’m “faking it” to get out of things. (Believe women!)
Actually “faking it” when it came to pretending I was feeling good.
Losing myself - believing I was sunshine deep down inside, but having no idea where that girl went, or if I would ever see her again. Everything was covered in a slimy cloud.
Carrying on like everything is fine.
On a “good day” completely dreading its return.
And let’s not forget about the stress of constantly just managing the bleeding. Shit.Full time brain cells devoted to that one. Still don’t have the nerve to wear white pants, despite all of those sporty commercials telling me otherwise.
Sitting creatively to look like everything is fine when you are pretty sure you are rotting from the inside out.
Heating pads and hot baths. (Swoooon)
So tired. So very tired.
Watching myself, like an out of body experience, being a total bitch to people, usually my favorite people, and not even being able to stop (not the best look.)
Feeling like a jerk for not returning calls, texts, emails because I was so anxious or in a brain fog.
Suicidal ideation. Man.
Eating EVERYTHING. (T’was a sugar, bread & pasta bonanza!)
Feeling like hell because of said bonanza. And then eating some more.
The depression, rage, grief, anxiety, fatigue, lost…
Spiraling out of control in my words, thoughts and actions.
Ugh, BF. Brain Fog. Sitting at my desk at work having no idea how to complete a simple task.
Thinking, this is it. This is my life.
The guilt of laying in bed or the couch. Again.
Painful exams and being told “this shouldn’t hurt” like it was my fault.
Learning about endometriosis. Hmmm…this sounds like me….why haven’t I heard of this before?
Visiting a doctor who stated that because I wasn’t looking to have a baby “soon” I didn’t need to see a specialist - a hot bath and tylenol was “sufficient.” I could get an ultrasound but that wouldn’t “change anything.”